Learn to solve life problems , as a couple, Personal, work or family is essential, since life usually goes through stages without problems and stages with problems.
Emotional maturity means understanding that problems come and go and that the best way to deal with them is to accept them and seek solutions, without wasting time complaining.
When a problem arises, you can take three ways to solve it:
- Impulsive: you take the easiest option and that in the short term you can carry out. It will bring you negative results since you do not think about other options that could be better, nor about the consequences of each option
- Avoidant: you don’t face the problem and you avoid it. This way will also bring you negative consequences since the problem will not solve itself
- Rational: you try to define the problem, you don’t complain, you focus on the solution, generate alternatives for action and take one to finally solve the problem. This is the way that you should learn, it is the most adaptive and the one that will give you the best results.
When a problem arises, the normal thing is that you have a negative feeling; feeling sad or worried.
However, it begins to be maladaptive when you start to think about it for days, months and even years and do not make solutions or decisions.
The approach to help you solve problems
The most correct, constructive approach that will give you infinitely better results for your life is the opposite of focusing on the problem; focus on solving the problem.
If you take this approach every time you have a problem, you will solve them more quickly and effectively, and you will also have better results.
What many people do is:
1) THE PROBLEM ARISES -> 2) WORRIES, 3) COMPLAINS, 4) THINKS ABOUT THE PROBLEM AND ITS NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES
The most adaptive for you to have a better quality of life is:
1) THE PROBLEM ARISES-> 2) YOU THINK ABOUT SOLUTIONS AND ACTING
Things to remember to better solve problems
There are several aspects of troubleshooting that you should know:
-Problems are common and you will find them throughout life
You will spend times with more and others with less, although it will always be your responsibility to choose:
- Complain and leave the problem to solve itself or have someone come to solve it for you
- Or solve them, putting the focus of attention on the solution
When solving a problem, self-efficacy (belief that you can solve the problem and that your actions will bring you to the desired state or solution, self-esteem and self-confidence will be very important.
-You cannot solve all the problems alone and there will be people who will have to help you in some cases.
-Differentiate urgent problems in which you have to take a solution soon from those that you can leave for a little later.
-Challenge: if you have the belief that the problem is a challenge, you will be more motivated to find a solution, you will take action and solve it sooner.
-Don’t act impulsively. Some problems take time to resolve.
Troubleshooting technique (4 steps)
With the troubleshooting technique (D´Zurilla and Nezu) you will learn to:
- Solve personal, relationship, work problems and in general any problem.
- Make decisions: today people have so many options that it is problematic and stressful. You can choose hundreds of careers, courses, where to live, which apartment to choose …
- Treat psychological problems: in the world of professional psychology it is also a technique used to combat anxiety, depression, obesity, stress …
These are the 4 steps:
1-Identify the problem
It is essential that you define the problem in precise terms if you want to take the best option to solve it and take solutions that are adapted to it.
If a doctor knows what specific disease his patient has, he can give him the medicine that cures it, although if he does not know what disease it is, he will have thousands of medicines to choose from. It is the same with the problem and its solution.
- It begins by asking yourself specifically. For example, in the case of someone who feels unhappy about going to work every day:
- What is it that I don’t like about my job? Where? When? In what moments of my work do I not feel well? What things do I like about my job? What are my thoughts in those moments? How can I feel better?
- You should come up with clear statements such as: “I don’t like my job when my boss talks to me aggressively.”
- Obtain factual and specifically described problem information
- Clarify it so that it is an objective problem since you may have irrational ideas that do not correspond to reality. Someone may consider that being overweight is a problem or that your partner does not pay attention to you and that this does not correspond to reality.
- What is the most important thing to solve? If, for example, you consider that you have problems speaking in public. Is it the tone of voice? Are you nervous and don’t know what to say? Do you have negative thoughts? What favors the appearance of the problem?
2-Look for solutions
When looking for solutions, follow these principles:
- Act differently: if you try to solve the problem in the same way and find that it does not work, it is best to change and try other ways to solve it.
- Get rid of the conventional: a problem can be solved in many ways and the best does not have to be the one you have learned by tradition.
- Brainstorming: throw all the ideas that come to mind. Think of all the options that you can think of and do not evaluate them. If you do, it will be a pretext to abandon or avoid the problem. Here it is important to be strong and not be influenced in the event that someone says phrases like “that will not work”.
- Ask for help: if after a reasonable time you do not get any alternative, you can ask for help from a close person or a professional.
If you have generated few alternatives, take your time and you can:
- Observe what actions people have taken in situations similar to yours.
- Combine new alternatives and create a new one.
- Each alternative can be divided into specific behaviors.
What have you done in similar situations?
Once you have all the solutions that have occurred to you, you will evaluate them and make a decision, choosing the most viable and the one that gives you the most benefits.
To know which option to choose from all the alternatives that you have generated, you can look at the following criteria:
- The alternative that most solves the problem
- The alternative that requires less effort and less time
- The one that provokes the best emotional well-being for you and others.
Also keep in mind that you don’t have to limit yourself to a simple solution and you can choose two or a combination of two or three.
4-Action and results
This step is the realization of the concrete action and it is advisable to take into account the following points:
- In some cases, you will have chosen an alternative in which you will need to train. If, for example, your problem is that work does not make you happy and you have taken the alternative of starting a business but you have no experience and you do not know how, you should train before taking action. You can also take action and learn on your own, although this last option is not applicable in all cases.
- Observe yourself while you perform the action, this will help you correct what you think can be improved and make it different in the future.
- Evaluation: when the action that leads to the solution of the problem has finished, you must evaluate the results yourself. If you think you have made a mistake, you must determine what it is and correct it with another action. If you have done everything well, it is recommended that you give yourself a reward (or self-reinforcement) to consolidate this form of behavior.
- The reward or self-reinforcement is essential for you to establish that way of taking solutions as permanent in your behavior. You can do it with compliments to yourself (for example “I have done very well, I have done well, I am proud of myself”) or with external rewards such as a good dinner or a trip to the movies.
And what techniques or strategies do you use to solve problems? I am interested in your opinion. Thank you!